Friday, June 27, 2008

Of Cigarettes, Hypnosis and Epic Failure

A couple months ago, my mother-in-law brought me a newspaper clipping and a check for $50. She wanted Mr. FtK to go to one of those hypnosis sessions that supposedly helps you kick your smoking habit.

*eyes rolling*

My mother-in-law is an absolute sweetie, so I thought...what the heck. It can't hurt anything, and he's already tried....

*peppermint sticks
*cold turkey (more times than I can count)

...with absolutely no luck. Heck, at one point I even taped up posters all over the kitchen that depicted various stages of lung cancer. They were seriously nasty. But, alas, the longest he's ever gone without a smoke has been about 2 weeks.

This hypnosis session was offering a seminar with it, so I figured $50 isn't much for a little incentive again.

I figured I would have no chance of talking him into being hypnotized, but he surprised me and agreed to do it. He said he really wanted to try to quit smoking again, so he'd give it a shot. I was going to go with him to an evening session just to see what the heck they were offering, but he chose to go to the afternoon session since both boys had ball games in the evening that he wanted to attend.


So, the day of the session he heads out at around noon and doesn't return until after 3pm. I was really busy with work when he came home, so I didn't get a chance to talk to him at length. But, he seemed to kind of avoid me when I asked him quickly how it went.


He purchased $230 worth of "vitamins" from the hypnotist to help him stop smoking. This was quite a shock to me because, number one, Mr. FtK is not one to be taken in by a gimmick, and number two, he's a serious tightwad. He didn't tell me right away because he knew I'd blow a gasket, and unfortunately he knows me pretty well. Of course, I immediately asked him if they hypnotized him before he bought the "vitamins" or He was not amused, but he said the hypnotist made sure that if anyone wanted to purchase the pills, they did so before they were hypnotized.

So, at this point I was thinking...crap, we're out $230, but it's a done deal so maybe just the fact that he spent so much money will be incentive to stop smoking. I mean, I could certainly hold that over his head..."honey, put down that cigarette or it's like flushing $230 down the toilet".


It's probably my fault because I made a $20 side bet with my oldest that he'd be smoking within 2 weeks. Of course, he didn't know about that bet...unless my kid told him.


He did quite well at first...mainly because he was steering clear from the things that trigger smoking. He didn't drink coffee in the mornings, and he stuck with some of the other things that were suggested at the seminar. He also took the vitamins which I think may have helped just a bit with the nicotine withdrawal. He wasn't as edgy as some of the other times he's tried to quit.

But, when he started his new job, he was working outdoors a lot and I knew he was probably sneaking them here and there. Then I started catching him coming out from behind the garage at times looking horribly guilty. I started checking his truck on occasion, and sure enough, he had a stash in there every time. I'd throw them out, but he'd just get more a couple days later. Yesterday, I found 2 empty packs and one with about 6 left. I tossed them and headed up to his office with a cup of water in my hand and dumped it on him.

Immature, thy name is FtK.

Ah well, back to the drawing board. Honestly, I don't think he'll ever quit smoking...guess I better take out more life insurance on him.

[Sis, when you read this, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT mention his epic failure to Mom or anyone else, or he will unleash on you. Oh crap, I forgot. Mom can read this now that she's up and running on her new Internet connection. Oh, well...both of you shut up about it!!!!]